Comparisons

Chuck Klosterman is the greatest author of all time. I was reading his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs and there was one chapter in which he was saying that he likes to compare everyone he meets to people that have been on the TV series The Real World. So just for fun, I decided to compare my friends to Harry Potter (and this includes 1 - 7, but perhaps not 5 because I really did not care for it that much.)

So I thought I would start off with myself, which is probably a bad idea because who wants to compare themselves to people in movies unless they are just magical and great, which I am not, but I will try. So I could be Hermione, but I think she is too good and is always wanting to do the right thing, which I don’t. Now that I think about it, I really don’t know one person in the world that is like Hermione, so she is out of it.

Okay so i’ll start it off with something easy, Professor Snape. He HAS to be my friend Spencer, and that is because Spencer has a black hole for a heart, ask everyone. Everyone knows. They all talk. Massiet has to be Professor Moody, because he enjoys sitting around and drinking, and occasionally seeing your lies with his fake eye.

Jay would be Lee Jordan, because he is fun and outgoing and likes to make fun of his enemies in front of people, preferably teachers. Rachel is Luna, because she is strange, very very strange. Tim has to be Draco Malfoy, because he has blonde hair. This has nothing to do with his evil soul and pretentious father.

Now that I think of it, I think I would be like Percy, because he is pompous and has an urge to be at the top. And yes, I label myself as pompous, don’t judge. Hmm let’s see, my sister has to be Pansy Parkinson, because she is evil and snotty. I just wish she didn’t end up marrying Draco in the end, because he is very attractive.

Jovanni would be both of the Weasley brothers, Fred and George, he is too funny to be placed as only one person. DJ would be Ron, because he is frightened of spiders and plays a good game of chess. I now think that i’m running out of people.

Ahh yes, and the biggest comparison of them all, my mother would be Voldemort, and that would be because she is evil and is out to kill the world so she can be the only everlasting soul in the world and can take over and be....evil.

That’s my interpretation of my friends, I hope they never read this blog, mostly because I called everyone evil soul-sucking individuals from Harry Potter. It’s just cynicism, I sub- consciously practice it on a daily basis, it’s not my fault, blame Chuck Klosterman. He’s the one who started it all anyways.